Brother of Mine
by Ice Bear
Summary: The boys have a heart to heart about trust.


Deaq had been riding Van's butt all week – questioning every move, every decision. And right before the bust he demanded to know if his partner's head was in the game. The bust went well, except for the fact that Van had to take out one of the bad guys who had a bead on his partner.

Back at the Candy Store to do paper work, Deaq started in on him again, and Van finally lost it. "What is it you want from me?" he yelled, hands flying up in the air to make his point. "What? Just tell me?"

"What you talking about dawg?" Deaq asked slightly taken aback at the angry figure before him.

"You – you don't trust me, every move I make you question. When have I not had your back?"

"V, calm down man."

"No. I want you to answer the question." He was right up in Deaq's face, green eyes fixed firmly on the brown.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is…"

"You! You're my problem." Van yelled interrupting, "You ask me every single time we go into a bust if I have your back. Why?"

"We are so not going to have this discussion right now." Deaq said turning away.

Van spun him around roughly. "We are going to talk about it right here, right now. You are going to tell me what it is I have done to deserve such shitty treatment. I am freaking tired of constantly being doubted. So answer my question, when wasn't I there for you?"

"Van, you are tripping man."

"Don't have an answer huh?" He challenged.

"Van, it's been a long week, I don't want to…"

"I don't care what you want. I am sick of you and your holier then thou attitude. Answer the question."

Deaq shrugged and moved away from the desk toward the sofa, only to find he was being shadowed. "Look man, this is not the time nor the place to talk about this."

"If you don't want talk to me now - answer my question - than we have nothing to talk about." Van answered firmly, almost softly.

"Stop being the drama queen Van, you're standing on my last nerve." Deaq half shouted as he turned away from his partner again.

When Van reached out to grab him and pull him back around, Deaq responded with a fist, and Van went down. Billy was out of her chair and headed for them but she was too late, and she watched in horror as Van pulled himself slowly off the floor and walked out, without a look or a word.

"Damn," Deaq muttered as he dropped onto the sofa, his head in his hands.

"What was that all about?" Billy demanded as she joined him on the couch.

"He's just wired; he'll get over it once he gets some sleep." Deaq said, his words sounding totally unconvincing, even to himself.

"I don't think so." Billy said forcing him to look at her. "You need to fix this."

"Lay off Billy."

"No, whatever is going on in that twisted head of his is serious. You need to fix it, now."

"Don't tell me how to deal with my partner." He argued back, coming off the sofa.

"How much longer he is your partner depends on you." She responded, heading back to her desk.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He yelled after her.

"The state you two are in, I can't in good conscience send you out together. So fix it, now," she paused, "for all our sakes," she finished softly.

Deaq went back to the house he was staying in and fiddled around. He didn't sleep well; his partner's green accusing eyes seemed to bore into him, even in the privacy of his dreams. He was up early and headed to Van's hotel, only to find he wasn't there.

He drove around for most of the day, checking out their usual haunts in their off time, but no one had seen Van. He even stopped by the Candy Store. He was beginning to worry. Van wasn't answering his cell phone and didn't respond to numerous pages. While the boy was mad at him, he knew that the call could be about a case, so the fact he wasn't answering was troubling.

At 2:30 pm he found himself at a small beach and let out a heavy sigh when he saw Van's car. "I am going to strangle the boy." He muttered angrily as he moved onto the beach, searching for his partner.

He finally saw him, sitting out beyond the waves on his surfboard, facing the horizon. Deaq settled onto the sand to wait. Van rode three more waves, sitting quietly on the water for up to a half an hour between sets, before heading in. Deaq had admired his graceful form on the board, but had held his breath more than once as Van rode in under the waves, only to come back up on the crest.

When Van came out of the water, he walked up the sand and sat down next to Deaq. "Something wrong?" He asked quietly, his anger from yesterday having been washed away by the quiet of the ocean.

"Yeah, you and me." Deaq said finally, "Tell me how to fix it."

"I can't." Van said softly, rising from the sand and heading back toward the water. Deaq leapt up and ran after him, grabbing him by the arm to stop him from slipping away.

"Van, I…" He truly didn't know what to say when he saw the look of loss in the green eyes.

"It's been a hell of a ride," Van said, putting his fist out in the way that had become their own.

"Why you doing this man?" Deaq ignored the fist, knowing if he tapped it, Van would disappear.

"You don't trust me, you don't want to be with me, hell, you don't even like me. I've tried hard to make this work, but it just isn't. We should cut our losses and move on." Van began to walk along the sand, and Deaq fell in step.

"What if I don't want to?" Deaq responded.

"That's pretty funny coming from you." The response was dripping in sarcasm.

"I don't want to."

Van stopped and turned again to face his partner. "Then why won't you answer my question?"

"Cause I'm not sure what the answer is," Deaq admitted, "I know I ride you and I ride you hard, but it ain't cause I don't trust you."

"Don't think you can play me, not after all this time." Van said defensively.

"Not playing man, I just, I don't know Van…" He shook his head gently.

"You need to talk to me Deaq." Van said gently before turning to continue walking along the water's edge, and his partner followed suit.

They walked for 10 minutes in silence before Deaq reached out and took his partner's arm. "Can we sit down?" Van moved up above the tide line and sank onto the sand. Deaq lowered himself slowly, right beside the man, close enough so their shoulders touched. "I'm scared."

"What?" Van whispered, totally taken aback by the comment.

"You scare me Van. I never let anybody in, not since Dre sent me off to New York. But you, you just won't take no for an answer. Every door, every wall I put up you've either beaten done, jumped over or…hell I don't know how you do it, you just do." He paused and looked out across the water. "I don't want anyone that close. Guess I figured if I, if I gave you a hard time, was difficult, you'd back off. But no, not you," he laughed softly, "all you do is try harder."

"I still don't understand." Van said as his shoulder brushed gently against Deaq's.

"You're really good at what you do; Van…so good it scares me sometimes. You take the risks, high risks, all in stride."

"That's the job Deaq." Van was watching his partner's face carefully, trying to read all that wasn't being said.

"Yeah, it is, but you…" Deaq stopped, unsure how to find the words to describe it. "When we started working together," he switched tactics, "I figured I was so unlike Dre that you would move on."

"Dre and I were good together. You and I are too, just in a different way. It took a little while to get used to you, but it was worth it."

"I didn't want to like you, didn't plan on it."

"So you like me," Van said with a slight smile, "still doesn't explain why you don't trust me. I saw your face when Sophia had the gun on you. You were sure you were dead cause I wouldn't be able to shoot her."

"No," Deaq volleyed back quickly, "not true. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid as to put you in that position. I knew you could take her out, I knew you would. I just, I didn't want you to have to…I didn't want to hurt you."

"It's my job."

"Shooting someone you care about isn't part of the job Van." Deaq's voice was hard.

"It is when your choice is between your partner and a mark." Van's eyes were focused on the horizon again and with the shadows of dusk, Deaq couldn't read the face, and another silence hung over the two. "Why is it so scary that you and I are good together? Is it because it's me?" Van's voice was small, soft.

"This is coming out all wrong," Deaq sighed heavily. "It's scary because…I care about you, and I never wanted to. You attract trouble like food attracts flies. And everyday, out on the streets, I worry that something bad is going to happen." He felt a warm, supportive arm around his back pulling him close.

"That still doesn't explain why you ask me if I have your back. All your questions, they make me doubt myself…and doubt in our line of work is a good way to get dead." Van said solemnly after a while.

"I…I can't help it. I figure if I keep you focused on the job that we have a better chance of coming out okay."

"It doesn't work that way Deaq, you know it doesn't. Why would you let me think that you didn't trust me?"

"I figured you'd be less likely to take a bullet for me." The admission was whispered.

"I'm your partner. Taking a bullet, if it means keeping you alive, is part of my job. Dre did it for me."

"You just don't get it!" Deaq yelled in frustration, pulling away from Van.

"Then help me understand."

"I care about you man, and I'm afraid. Afraid something will happen to you. I don't want to be left alone again, not like after Dre died. At least Dre left me you." The head fell onto the knees.

"Deaq, look at me." Van said gently. "I know how hard it is to be alone, and I have no intention of leaving you, not if I can help it."

"You can't…"

"I can't promise, and I won't. But you have my back and I have yours. As long as we work together – trust each other - we'll be okay. And if something does happen; your family loves you very much. They won't let you be alone."

"I thought I could push you away so if something happened, it wouldn't hurt so much."

"So much for that plan," Van said with a chuckle as he pulled his partner to him in a warm embrace.

"Just don't leave me Van. I couldn't take it…losing both my brothers would be too much." The voice was a whisper in his ear and Van tightened his embrace.

"I know," he whispered back.


End file.
